We've Come A Long Way Baby

In the last little while, I've been fairly forthright with the fact that I was bullied in middle school and the early part of high school. In fact, as the nine followers of this blog know, I'm currently working on a documentary about that very subject (in conjunction with my weight issues).

What I tend to keep to myself is the precise moment that it all began to happen. I have told very few people this. To this day, it still haunts me. Once you read it, it may not seem so bad to you, but it changed my adolescent life (hell, my whole life).

In Grade 6, I was a member of the chess club at Lakefield Elementary School in Quispamsis, N.B. I had just moved their from Ontario, and had made a couple of friends who lived on my street. Being part of the chess club is not what continues to haunt me, haha.

One afternoon, during chess club, I realize that I needed to use the facilities, and had for a couple of hours. I swiftly make my way to the washroom - it was locked.

I danced back to the classroom (the oh-my-god-if-I-don't-pee-soon-I'm-going-to-die kinda dance), and resumed my position playing against Jill O'Reilly, if I'm not mistaken. I shifted, and I squeezed and I shifted some more. Relieving the pressure on my bladder had to happen in a big way.

(Sidebar: I also had a hairdresser who thought it a good idea to cut my hair short, and then put sideburns on me. Yes, I was a really attractive eleven year-old and I was the same 5'6.5" that i am right now. I was the tallest kid in school - awkward).

I was also reasonably shy (pick your jaws up off the floor, it's true), and I didn't think to ask Mr. White to unlock the bathroom. If I could go back, things would be different.

So, I'm squirming and squeezing, and finally, as I could feel my back teeth floating, I rationalized to myself that if I just let a little bit out, it would relieve some of the pressure.

NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As you all well know, once you start the stream, it cannot be stopped.

I then found myself in a pool of my own warm urine. And the laughter erupted, and never stopped.

The next morning, I got on the bus, and all I heard was a chorus of 'SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.' People continued to think this was a funny joke for a solid year after it happened....then began everything else those bastards could possibly pick on. My hair, my height, my weight, my speech, my marks (which were excellent at the time), everything. And I had no one. This feeling has followed me around for quite some time.

Even in the last few years, when I've picked up some AMAZING friends, I was always worried that if I didn't go along with what they wanted, they wouldn't be my friend anymore. I realize that is a ridiculous rationale; however, a little self-esteem goes a long way.

Fast forward to this very evening. I'm out at the pub, and didn't order anything myself, which is fine. My dear friend Laurel buys a pitcher of beer, and shares a glass. My dear friend Geoff buys a plate of nachos, and shares a few chips. The evening is winding down, and I ask Lisa, my favourite bartender, to get me a glass of water. She comes out with a double purple haze (which was my drink of choice last year) and speaks about how much she loves me as a customer, and how real I am...then the people who were out with me join in the chorus of accolades, and I was overwhelmed. I left the table in tears of joy and gratitude for the life I now have.

I'm in a position to actually argue with someone, and have other people to fall back on. Essentially, I have the ability to form a backbone, and not worry that it's going to leave me alone, wishing for ANYONE to call me. It's taken nearly 26 years, but I'm here, I've made it. Maybe not in the Capitalistic American dream sort of way; but, in the I'm a worthy person kind of way.

To quote Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed, "I'm not Josie Grosie anymore!" I'm not the little girl who let jackasses follow her around and whisper, "SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS," anymore. (Perhaps not as catchy as Josie Grossie, but hey, it's not a hollywood script......yet).